MAY 2024

SELF EDIT

Hello and welcome to the second edition of SELF EDIT, is it me or is the 2nd one often harder? I think I remember feeling fear when I first did my Podcast Empower You. I think the pressure I put on myself to either manage to do the same, the opinions of what people thought, expectations of others are more real than before, or was  is going to be a one hit wonder? This is where fear and self doubt comes in good and hard but you either get to choose to keep moving forward or you stop due to the fear of really not meeting your own expectations.

I often say to my clients that imagine if Steve Jobs waited until the Iphone was the best he thought it could be till  he launched it? We may never have gotten to the versions of Iphones we are at now? My approach is often to get whatever I want out there, often with not as much planning but I feel that suits me and maybe planning ahead is something I need to be working on. How do you get past your fear? If you want to try something new or make a change? Do you plan to the finest details or do you just give it a go? I really do not think there is a right or wrong. I think it is just knowing your approach as sometimes we need to use both.

As some of you may be aware a book that I often refer back to is Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers, which actually when I think about is what I try and do more often than not - with the approach of what is the worst that is going to happen?  In Susans book may I add which was first published in 1987, she states;

“IF YOU KNEW YOU COULD HANDLE ANYTHING THAT CAME YOUR WAY, WHAT WOULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE TO FEAR?

THE ANSWER IS: NOTHING.

Think about  what your biggest fear might be, for most of us it is death yet it is something that we all know is going to happen to each of us we just don't know when. So what is it that you feel you can't handle? These past few weeks I have been feeling a lot of fear, now if you are  a pet owner/lover they are like a member of the family. Sadly our gorgeous colliepoo Dottie who is 10 has been suffering seizures for a few months but this last month they got worse and more frequent - I was hit with FEAR. Fear of losing her, fear of not knowing when the next one will be coming, fear of making that hard decision, fear of what she was feeling. 

So I had to look at what I could handle around my fear, I found I was talking about it with a lot of people and some conversations were a little hard, different peoples approaches like to remind you that we often outlive our pets. True but not what you need to hear when your pet is not well. Now there would have been a time when I wouldnt of handled that comment particularly well especially when it was my biggest fear. The fact was it is the truth and something that I knew but perhaps had to accept and well handle. I started to process the fact that we are so lucky to have had all the time we have, the fact that we have vets that can advise us what best to do. Whilst that big fear doesn't go away you feel a little bit more able to handle it as you have faced the fear. As I write this she has been on epilepsy tablets and is showing signs of getting back to herself if not a little more vocal and lively. My fear has subsided due to the reduction of the seizures and I guess feeling in more control of what she needs but also my emotions. 

Now of course this is just one element of fear and fear of losing loved ones and many others things come down to lots of different factors, depending on your  past circumstances your fears maybe very debilitating. Even if you do not have the same fear as someone else, before trying to give advice or even dismiss it, maybe ask them their approach to it.  Many people have a fear of flying and whilst some will never step foot on a plane others will Feel the Fear and do it anyway - this is where I think it comes back to how much you can handle and  whether you are wanting to work through your fear and your WHY you want to.

SELF REFLECT EXERCISE

JOURNAL ON WHAT FEAR MEANS TO YOU.

• WRITE DOWN THE WORD FEAR -

• WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING THAT COMES UP FOR YOU, YOU MAY WANT TO DO THIS AS A MIND MAP, IN SENTENCES, SINGLE WORDS, DRAWINGS.

• THEN FOR EACH ONE  ASK YOURSELF WHAT IS THE BEST WAY YOU COULD HANDLE THIS?

• WHAT COULD YOU DO TO MOVE AWAY FROM FEELING AS MUCH FEAR.

• E.G. IF YOUR FEAR WAS OF CHANGING JOBS - WRITE DOWN ALL THE POSSIBLE SCENARIOS GOOD AND BAD

SELF TIPS

• After writing down all your current fears look at what fear you would like to start working on the most, write down how working on that fear will help you now and in the future.

• Get to know how fear represents in yourself, you may feel it in your stomach, you may hear you say a lot of excuses, what are you missing out on my not working on your fear

• Ask yourself how is holding on to this fear serving you right now?

• What is a small step you can do towards challenging/facing that fear?

• Look for the facts that you know about the fear, are your fears based on facts of fears. There are many facts that we know are true and that could prevent us from doing things but we often over come those. For example; I have a fear of cats I know it is not logical as what can they really do to me - but over the years I have become more comfortable with my fear and when I feel it rise I try and tell myself I m in control and it is just a cat. Whilst I do not want them near me I am more comfortable than I was years ago - progress!

FUTURE SELF

The reality is, is that your future self will probably tell you that why was that fear holding you back so much? Often the unknown and even the future can hold a lot of fear for us. What are you missing out on? What would your future self be telling you about the fear that is holding you back?

THANK YOU

I know fears are trying to keep us safe but take it from someone who keeps pushing her fear boundaries that it feels good to have that inner growth. If you would like to talk through anything please feel free to get in touch it is also important to note that some fears do require therapy which I have often thought about with my fear of cats. I guess it is thinking about how much your fear is holding you back and if you want to break free from it?

Have a beautiful day, lots of love

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